This post is mostly a post on my frustrations to people I do not know. I reached out to them and essentially am being treated as I have before, ignored. Swept under a rug. Perhaps they have not seen my messages to them. I do not think this is the case. Now it is simply, that no one I contacted has chosen to acknowledge my existence. Why should I be surprised? I wasn't supposed to happen. I was not supposed to be conceived or born  or interfere with family plans. And even though I came about, everyone continued with all of the plans made. And even though Mr. Wade adopted me, I always felt like there was something missing. You can tell when there is a secret being kept from you. There is an openness not there. Always being treated differently. Mr. Wade or Daddy always had a good relationship with me, and this really isn't about that. From the time I knew I had a different father, I had questions that no one could answer well enough. I always wanted to meet him. How my mother met his cousin outside UK Med Center and found out what had happened to him, is beyond fate,  I know she has been embarrassed about what happened, but it did and it is 2015 now. I am 54 years old and I still feel like there is an emptiness. And I guess there always will be.

Always told to go look in the mirror when I asked what he looked like.......

because I never saw a photograph. That changed last year. I found a photo and it was true I looked very much like him. And I found more photos. I take pictures like him too.

My mother said he was very nice.

So if my other siblings who I do not know....I do not know what to do with this desire to connect with them. They are in a different country and I know they speak English. I know perhaps I could have scared them, but really? I probably know more than I should. It happens when you are obsessed with finding information. Of course I could be wrong on what I am finding out,

I watched a movie with Meryl Streep called The House of the Spirits. It kind of reminded me of what the other side of the story could have been. I also have read how illegitimate children are regarded in El Salvador. It breaks my heart.

I live a good life, I should have nothing preventing me from living a life of love and happiness. Something tells me though I should try to connect. I have found so much in my internet searches. Why hasn't someone found me? I wonder if they knew, and if I was a family secret.

So to the children of Jorge Palomo Sol. There are 4 of you and I know you are loyal to your mother. I understand the conflicts, but I want to meet you. I realize it is a sensitive nature. Even if it is not a sibling, I want to know more. I have the genealogy . I know now more about that side than my maternal side. It is fascinating to know where my DNA has come from. I have yet to see a picture of my grandmother and Grandfather on that side of the family. Someone used the term Genetic offspring. In terms of children born out of wedlock. I like it.

To anyone in the world who is reading this, and that will be rare. Thanks for reading. If anyone is reading that I hope to touch base with. or a nerve. I am here. I am on Facebook....Adrienne Wade Davis.

Day at the beach, German style

It's a day at the beach with relatives in Berlin. Since my grandmother is about 5 years old, it was taken somewhere around 1925-26. I believe these are her mothers relatives. I was thinking it was taken on the beach near the lake in Berlin, but it could have also been taken near the Baltic Sea on Holiday?

 I have found fascinating documents since starting this blog. My great grandmother had several siblings from August Mannewitz and Berta Therese Anna Lange. It was a surprise, since I thought she was an only child. Another person that I thought was an only child was my great grandfather on my Opa's side.His name also Paul Stapf. I found a marriage certificate of a Friedrich Albert Otto Stapf with Paul's parents name on it! What a find! He died in 1941 in Berlin and I do not know if he and his wife Anna Bertha Lisbeth Kolhoff had any children. The search will continue though. My Opa as far as I know was the last Stapf from his line. Oma and Opa had a son but he past away when he was 18 months old from a freak accident. Hot water had scalded him when he reached for a pot on the stove. There had to have been an underlying issue as to why he died besides having hot water spilled on him. Of course I guess shock would have been the cause of death. Mental note to look at that certificate.

I have seen other families photos from Germany that seem to have similar photos. There was a site where a fellow posted his Oma's pictures online. They were so similar in area and time, that I felt like I was going to find my Oma in his pictures. He had class photos and one very similar to this beach scene. That site no longer is available. Such a shame. I truly enjoyed looking at those Vintage photographs. Hope I find them again.

My Oma with her sister Ulla

Grateful for finding information

Somehow, somewhere I started finding information. I managed to find the names of all my Great grandparents and even names of almost all my GG Grandparents. So....how wonderful is that. Posted a question on German Genealogy that half way answered how my Grandmother's family was from German Nobility. Came across another site that answered many of my Biological fathers linage. I have even seen some pictures of ancestors.
One only wishes for more of course. For now I will be grateful for what I have.

One day I foresee more information online where one can research in all languages. By then, those of us who are pioneers in getting the questions answered that we have access to while we have a chance are simply people who are laying the groundwork for future connections.

So things I am looking forward to are....Sachsen-Anhalt in Germany to digitize their records. I know it will happen. I just hope soon. And wouldn't it be just awesome if there would be translations on all of these records? Now I am dreaming.

 I do wish I were able to come across pictures of who the people are that I have in my tree. I have my generation and pictures of my parents now. Like I said I should be pleased that I got the information I have.

Not sure what people who are looking at biological fathers tree think seeing my name come up, if they even see it. Perhaps there are those who do not believe, but I only know what I know. I can not change my history or my make up of who I am, or who I was produced from.

A picture of me from when I was 30

The first picture I ever saw of my Biological father...officially. I saw other pictures of him that remind me of me. Different photo shots. I call them my awkward photo shots. Seems he had many different looks. This was a very good picture. It is the only one I can borrow though.

A nice picture of my mother after she gave birth to me in 1961. I colorized it using Black Magic. It turned out nice I think.

A picture of my Grandmother, an unknown man and my mother in her younger years.

Did I mention I like pictures?

Don't know why it is so difficult to navigagte Google and Blogger. Probably one reason why I don't come here often. Any way, I have found exciting things. I found a picture of my biological father and I know it may not be much, but it was a big deal to me. I also have found other information on him, such as the newspaper articles which state he was shot and killed in Miami. I guess seeing it was more convincing to me than having my mother tell me the story of meeting his cousin outside of where she works and him relaying this story. Also his cousin had a heart attack or a major health issue, so he does not work there any more. So I found the picture in a yearbook. Ancestry had new yearbooks online. It started with looking for a high school picture of my adopted dad in Washington DC. Then I found the yearbooks for Catholic University, and I thought , oh...I wonder if there is a picture of my Grandfather (Opa) in there. I go to the index and Stapf was not in there but as I am scrolling I see the last name Palomo and first it didn't hit me. I'm like , oh look....my dads (Biological) name and there is the address I have for him. And then it hit me, there is probably a picture of him. And I look. I had been told I looked like him. I always wanted to know what he looked like. And there he was. In black and White, a man who looked like me when I was younger. I also found more pictures of him and that his middle initial ia A. I have found out other information, such as I have 4 other half siblings. I found the family on Facebook and sent something to the oldest son and even to his wife, which I know is probably taboo, but the way I look at it is....it happened before they were married and it was 54 years ago. I also documented this on Ancestry. I want it out in the digital world. I will not let this go unknown. I am the daughter of Jorge Antonio Palomo Sol. He was from San Salvador, El Salvador. And my mother had a relationship with him.