This post is mostly a post on my frustrations to people I do not know. I reached out to them and essentially am being treated as I have before, ignored. Swept under a rug. Perhaps they have not seen my messages to them. I do not think this is the case. Now it is simply, that no one I contacted has chosen to acknowledge my existence. Why should I be surprised? I wasn't supposed to happen. I was not supposed to be conceived or born  or interfere with family plans. And even though I came about, everyone continued with all of the plans made. And even though Mr. Wade adopted me, I always felt like there was something missing. You can tell when there is a secret being kept from you. There is an openness not there. Always being treated differently. Mr. Wade or Daddy always had a good relationship with me, and this really isn't about that. From the time I knew I had a different father, I had questions that no one could answer well enough. I always wanted to meet him. How my mother met his cousin outside UK Med Center and found out what had happened to him, is beyond fate,  I know she has been embarrassed about what happened, but it did and it is 2015 now. I am 54 years old and I still feel like there is an emptiness. And I guess there always will be.

Always told to go look in the mirror when I asked what he looked like.......

because I never saw a photograph. That changed last year. I found a photo and it was true I looked very much like him. And I found more photos. I take pictures like him too.

My mother said he was very nice.

So if my other siblings who I do not know....I do not know what to do with this desire to connect with them. They are in a different country and I know they speak English. I know perhaps I could have scared them, but really? I probably know more than I should. It happens when you are obsessed with finding information. Of course I could be wrong on what I am finding out,

I watched a movie with Meryl Streep called The House of the Spirits. It kind of reminded me of what the other side of the story could have been. I also have read how illegitimate children are regarded in El Salvador. It breaks my heart.

I live a good life, I should have nothing preventing me from living a life of love and happiness. Something tells me though I should try to connect. I have found so much in my internet searches. Why hasn't someone found me? I wonder if they knew, and if I was a family secret.

So to the children of Jorge Palomo Sol. There are 4 of you and I know you are loyal to your mother. I understand the conflicts, but I want to meet you. I realize it is a sensitive nature. Even if it is not a sibling, I want to know more. I have the genealogy . I know now more about that side than my maternal side. It is fascinating to know where my DNA has come from. I have yet to see a picture of my grandmother and Grandfather on that side of the family. Someone used the term Genetic offspring. In terms of children born out of wedlock. I like it.

To anyone in the world who is reading this, and that will be rare. Thanks for reading. If anyone is reading that I hope to touch base with. or a nerve. I am here. I am on Facebook....Adrienne Wade Davis.